Category Archives: Bizarro

Interview with bizarro #author Andy De Fonseca

So excited to be sharing an interview with NBAS author Andy De Fonseca. Bizarro just makes me happy and Andy is sending me an 8-bit Mario because I’m awesome. I can’t wait to read this one and get my geek on, it makes me yearn for my duck hunt. Ahhh those were the days.

 

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In a world where humanoid bulls patrol the street, wormholes and portals make up children’s playgrounds, and flying turtles produce the most delicious bacon, Margy Plum and Victor Vance are quite content with playing old school video games and designing 8-bit chickens. When they find a cheat code to a strange game called Adamina, neither are prepared to see their video game exploits on the streets of their own town. To their horror, they have discovered a game that controls the universe.

Before they can even choose an alignment, their world erupts into madness-mutated memes terrorize the streets, clouds fall from the sky and giant balloon animals piss on park trees. Victor and Margy flee to the lands of the old internet, where the dunes are riddled with bandit viruses, the saloons are filled with Japanese porn, and Lolcats roam the dusty plains.

While there, they discover a secret. A secret that twists all they know and believe, one that threatens their entire existence. It’s up to Victor and Margy, controlling the fate of everything and everyone, to find the equation at the heart of the universe before they’re ripped from their lives.

 

Please tell me about yourself

I’m a geek, like many people who have a passion for something. I just don’t mind the title.
Also, I’m into science, heavy fantasy, D&D, cartoons/ anime, and drawing. So I’m that kind of geek.

A deep, dark dirty secret? Something about you that no one knows.

That’s tough. I grew up with three siblings who were always around. This will have to be a recent secret, so the shame will still be fresh.
I ignored my ALS ice bucket challenge. Completely ignored. No ice. No money. Is this deep, dark, and dirty enough? I can’t tell. Judging from facebook it seems like I’ll be going to hell. But for reals, I had just finished donating a lot of money to the New York Stem Cell Foundation. I have bills to pay! And I’m not pouring ice on my head. I don’t negotiate with charity terrorists*.

Jess resides here confession. I was just nominated myself. I don’t want to throw a bucket of water over myself. I was thinking of filming myself in the shower but that seams too … intimate. I will donate but don’t want to share a video. There I said it. 

What are you reading now?

Declension, by Michael Allen Rose. A really messed up book that’s… hard to describe. Highly recommend it, if you can find it. It was a limited edition.
A Feast for Crows, because mama needs her fix.
An Illustrated Brief History of Time/The Universe in a Nutshell, by Stephen Hawking. But I’m always reading this book, because I can never grasp everything. A lot of writing ideas come out of science.

Some favourite books and authors?

An Illustrated Brief History of Time/The Universe in a Nutshell, by Stephen Hawking
Pale Blue Dot, by Carl Sagan
Uzumaki, by Junji Ito. A fantastic horror graphic novel I recommend to everyone including children who have cool parents.
And don’t judge, but I’m in love this YA book I’ve been re-reading since I was in the 8th grade. Little Sister, by Kara Dalkey. It’s a feudal Japanese fairy tale.

What is your workspace and writing routine like?

Workspace: I’m surrounded by books, art projects, trinkets, pictures, and toys. My toys. I don’t have a kid, but one would assume. ((I’ll send you a picture!))

what a mess

Writing routine: At the moment, any free chance I have, including downtime at work. My biggest problem is taking on new hobbies, which cut into my writing time. Currently it’s the Dutch language. Ik ben een banaan.

How did you discover the magic that is bizarro and why did it appeal to you?

Growing up loving fairy tales, fantasy, science, Gary Larson’s The Far Side, and some really weird hentai, bizarre/bizarro is the only thing I know. I don’t think I’d know how to write a straight story. I tried once, then I turned the main subject into a time travelling geisha.

For me, books are the escape from reality. I want to be taken far, far away, and I want to get there in the most effed up way possible.

How did you become one of the NBAS?

My buddy Michael Allen Rose, fellow bizarro author, is part of the community, and I had been living vicariously through him for years. I finally took a bizarro class with Garrett Cook (which I definitely recommend if you want a good writing class!), and Eraserhead Press editor Bradley Sands took an interest. After that, it became the incredible love story we all know and love today**.

What has this year been like for you?

Stressful. Wild. Amazing. I’m tired a lot.

Please tell us about your book The Cheat Code For God Mode

Margy and Victor are two regular video game nerds who end up finding a game that controls the universe. Before they can even have fun with it, they’re running from a mysterious group of assholes, and they find themselves in the Old Internet. While there, they learn a secret about their world, and end up needing to save it.

What do readers have to look forward to next?

That time travelling geisha? I hope to get that going. It’ll be an oral/mixed media history of this geisha Aya Onitori. Each chapter is from a different person who came across Aya during their moment in time, each written in their own way, depending on the person. The poet will write in haiku, the artist will have woodcarvings, the general will have a war report, the engineer will have a log of the space colony, and so on.

I’m really excited about this one, and for all the research I’ll get to do for it.

Your favourite recipe that involves bacon?

Other than hot pan+bacon?

Every time I make this soup, I want to cry from happiness:
http://mysouthernaccent.tumblr.com/post/40879725960/low-carb-chicken-bacon-chowder

The only thing that makes bacon greater is cheese. And this has bacon swimming in it.


*quote from The League
** it’s not a love story and no one knows it

 

Andy de Fonseca is a geek. She has always been this way, despite numerous attempts throughout childhood to curb her love of anime, video games, dragons, and the unholy songs of science. She also likes Cheez-Its.

She currently resides in Chicago, IL with her husband Myles and tiny dog Sir Digby Chicken Caesar. She volunteers at the Adler Planetarium, where she not only shares her passion for science with others, but gathers plenty of information for her works. Andy enjoys talking about herself in third person just as much as the next person enjoys a nail in the forehead. 

Andy

Andy can be found online Web Site / Goodreads

The Cheat Code for God Mode is available on Amazon

There’s No Happy Ending by Tiffany Scandal #review

There's No Happy Ending

The world is rotting away. Bodies are melting, buildings dissolving and it’s only a matter of time before the world completely disintegrates.

Despite the world rotting away, lovers Isobel and Dresden are fighting for the future, and their wedding day. Unfortunately, the rotting world isn’t their only challenge. Dresden’s mother is a wealthy woman with powerful secrets who wants only the best wife for Dresden, and Isobel isn’t it.

Dresden’s mother has him kidnapped and held hostage so he’ll not only miss his wedding, but alters him so he’ll survive the rotting world and live with her forever.

It’s up to Isobel to search the apocalyptic world for Dresden while he fights his mother’s mansion of horrors. If luck is on their side, Isobel and Dresden may be able to find one another before the world completely disappears.

 

I was quite excited when Suicide Girl and one of this years new bizarro author series peeps Tiffany Scandal emailed me wanting to know if I would review her book. Bizarro check, suicide girl check. She had me there but she buttered me up by saying I was bad ass and when a suicide girl calls you a bad ass you do whatever the hell she wants.

School has had me quite busy so it took me a while to get there but here I am review at the ready.

Bizarro is a genre where one can and should expect anything in fact its better not to expect anything in particular and just run with what the author throws at you. There’s No Happy Ending is like that and can I say not wrong on the title. Yikes!

This world that Tiffany has created is crumbling to nothing and with a pair of lovers who are so much in love getting to your wedding is quite the predicament. Throw in the most horrible mother/mother in law to be who will go so far as to kidnap her son to lets just say change him and keep him from the woman she doesn’t approve of. Though, I doubt any woman for her little boy would do.

A good read and one worth the sample for those who are new to bizarro and certainly one to check out for those who frequently partake.

Available in print or ebook from amazon There’s No Happy Ending is available now

Tiffany can be found online at her web site / twitter / instagram 

Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey #guestpost

I must be on an a talking vagina roll with my recent review of Close Call featuring Doris the sentient vagina. Today I have guest post from Wol-vriey discussing his new book Vegan Vampire Vaginas and reasons to give it a try, personally I think the title alone is reason enough.

Thank you to Wol-vriey for taking the time to share about his book.

Vegan Vampire Vagina

Fourteen Reasons Why You Should Read VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS (and recommend it to everyone else you know):

 

Firstly, I must say major thanks to Jessica for having me do this guest post.

Now to the why of this title. After two weeks futilely spent trying to write something witty and entertaining/revealing/educative, I’ve finally given up and decided instead to just brazenly promote my book.

Please forgive me if I sound bigheaded. LOL! I honestly believe my own hype for this book. J!

The 14 reasons:

 

  1. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is the book your ma and pa . . . no, everyone you know really, warned you against reading. J. It’s chock-full of good/bad people doing unmentionable things on every page. And well, most people enjoy dipping into something that’s taboo . . . occasionally.

One Goodreads reviewer nicely pointed out that Vegan Vampire Vaginas likely wouldn’t pass the Miller Test:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller_test

  1. It’s a long book. 130k words. 488 pages. Total value for money, if I say so myself. Even if you hate the story, you’ll be certain you’re getting your money’s worth of being pissed off, and that’s always a good thing.
  2. The print version is VERY BIG–will make a fantastic weapon for self-defense in times of danger. An added bonus? It’s thick enough to serve as a bulletproof shield!
  3. There’s a lot of graphic sex in it. In Vegan Vampire Vaginas, I attempt to be an all-persuasions erotic grocer. There’s straight sex, gay sex (both male and female), transsexual sex, and even lots of sex that you’ve never imagined possible, but I’ll not give too much away.
  4. Vegan Vampire Vaginas will look great on your coffee table, a surefire way to spark up that dull/dying conversation. Also, just imagine the cool answer you’ll be able to give anyone who asks what you’re currently reading.
  5. This novel doesn’t have Dracula or any of his relatives in it, nor their other undead cousins who tend to bay at the moon a lot, nor the other infected rotting ones who just want to eat your brains. That has to be a plus.
  6. There are a lot of love stories in this novel. Fans of m/f and f/f romance are certain to be delighted while being disgusted. Or disgusted while being delighted. Or delightfully disgusted . . .
  7. It has LOADS of strong female characters in it. More than the average ‘woman-friendly’ novel even. All the ladies kick butt. J!!!
  8. Okay, so it’s not YA (meaning do not let your teen brother or sister [or kid] anywhere near it!) but there’s MAGIC in it too.
  9. It has a literal vegan vagina in it. No, I’m not even going to try to explain.
  10. For fans of female sexual organs, there are likely more of them in this book than in the Vagina Monologues. LOL!
  11. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is FUN with a capital ‘F.’ It’s fast-paced, witty, entertaining, and also violent, bloody, unpredictable, and . . . I tried my best to cut out all the boring stuff no one likes. Hopefully I succeeded. JJJ
  12. 92% of Goodreads reviewers (so far) like it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22388473-vegan-vampire-vaginas

(Even the one gentleman who didn’t, praised my writing ability. Ha ha!)

  1. And finally ladies and gentlemen, all I can say is, you’ve never read ANYTHING like Vegan Vampire Vaginas before. The plot, the settings, the characters . . . everything. That’s a stone cold promise. I’d make a money back guarantee on it, but my publishers would be VERY annoyed. J.

Peace!

Wol-vriey.


VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS:

 

The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can’t remember pulling it off. And no, this isn’t your standard case of amnesia.

After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.

Then his day gets worse:

Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.

Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he’s the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.

He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.

With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he’s living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .

But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else’s life. Or is it?

Vegan Vampire Vaginas–a mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!

 

Wol-very

Wol-vriey is Nigerian and quite tall.

He writes surreal transgressive fiction.

He’s the author of Meat Suitcase, Chainsaw Cop Corpse, Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, and Boston Posh.

He blogs at: www.oddityfarm.wordpress.com

You can buy your Vegan Vampire Vagina here:

Amazon Kindle

Amazon Paperback

 

 

 

 

DangerRAMA by Danger Slater review

DangerRAMADangerRAMA by Danger Slater

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

 

Ladies and gentleworms, gargoyles and girls – do you have the mettle to step up and peer into the mouth of mayhem, incongruity, shock and perversion? A trio of taint-tingling tales await you between these covers. Your taint will tingle. On your taint. The taint is that area between your balls and asshole, in case you didn’t know. Is it tingling yet? Good. Now let these three twisted novellas forever change your pathetic little life:

KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE – An inter-dimensional tale of hamburgers, hubris and science gone mad!

SOMNAMBULANT – Terrorists, movie stars, and blue whales converge in this story about a dude who’s really just trying to get a good night’s sleep.

ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME – A computer malfunction sends a lone astronaut spiraling across the cosmos. Will he save mankind or just masturbate a lot?

 

I haven’t read any bizarro in a while so when Danger offered I wasn’t going to pass the offer up to review. What a nice sweet trio of freakish braingina juice smeared onto a page I’ve read in some time. I haven’t gone down bizarro road in about a year so when I started reading the first of three stories I just sat there shaking my head omg did he really write that, it’s so wrong I thought while giggling to myself in manic glee.

Book one about a high school teacher who’s invention goes um screwy and well white castle goes stone age or fantastically freaky or straight up crazy. Whatever your view it will make you scratch your head and chortle along to the freaky fun.

Book two about a guy who “sleepwalks” and doesn’t recall a thing he does while sleepwalking is just wow. In this awesome world he ends up worshipped, is Will Smiths love interest, steals world famous art works, becomes a terrorist and dismembers family.
Seriously entertaining but to not give more spoilers than I have well you’ve just gotta read it.

Last but not least is a book that just made me go omg you just had sex with your own finger dude yes you are alone in space and you reanimated it into a life size being of sorts but still wtf and then it became touching in a weird bizarro way. I suspect Danger is one of those mushy touchy feely guys. Plus he uses big words in it so yeah go Danger. It’s really quite well done with a world that is getting to the point of not being habitable so you test tube genius baby that we raised to go into space to save us all well good luck out there alone for ages till you find the promised land.

Great job done by Danger on these stories and sucking me in to his mad, mad world. I enjoyed myself immensly and look forward to more Danger by Danger.


House Hunters by S.T Cartledge review

Imogen is a House Hunter. Those suckers have legs and just take off. Don’t you just hate it when that happens, but that was a nice view house. No I want to stretch my legs here, but you’re a house house shouldn’t you stay in one place. Not in bizarroland.

House Hunter

 

Finding a good house is a house hunter’s job. If you want a great house, you need Imogen. She’s the best at capturing young houses and training them to be homes. But all of her skills will be tested when the Association goes after the mythical Jabberhouse in order to breed houses in captivity. With a mysterious helper, Imogen and her house fight to stay alive and keep houses free.

A bizarro adventure, with cockroach people, spider-cars, assassins, house-fights, and a big-ass castle stomping into battle against an ancient temple. House hunting has never been so weird.

 

Bizarro how I love it. Unique reads entertain me like few others. Yes I like the big popular reads that many know about and read but bizarro gives me something different. Gives me a chance to stretch my brains legs and go wander places.

Imogen and her lovely home take down a runaway house with some serious kung-fu skills and then trains it to be a good little home. I like the world that Shane has built seriously strange, elaborate and fantastical. Wonderful stuff. The hunt for the Jabberhouse to keep the evil association away really creates some fantastic scenes. Wonderful creatures too, there are moments however that I became lost and felt like something had been skipped but I wasn’t sure if it was me or just an odd quirk of the story. Despite these moments I enjoyed the story.

I thank Shane for contacting me and letting me delve into his world.