Category Archives: Bizarro

There’s No Happy Ending by Tiffany Scandal #review

There's No Happy Ending

The world is rotting away. Bodies are melting, buildings dissolving and it’s only a matter of time before the world completely disintegrates.

Despite the world rotting away, lovers Isobel and Dresden are fighting for the future, and their wedding day. Unfortunately, the rotting world isn’t their only challenge. Dresden’s mother is a wealthy woman with powerful secrets who wants only the best wife for Dresden, and Isobel isn’t it.

Dresden’s mother has him kidnapped and held hostage so he’ll not only miss his wedding, but alters him so he’ll survive the rotting world and live with her forever.

It’s up to Isobel to search the apocalyptic world for Dresden while he fights his mother’s mansion of horrors. If luck is on their side, Isobel and Dresden may be able to find one another before the world completely disappears.

 

I was quite excited when Suicide Girl and one of this years new bizarro author series peeps Tiffany Scandal emailed me wanting to know if I would review her book. Bizarro check, suicide girl check. She had me there but she buttered me up by saying I was bad ass and when a suicide girl calls you a bad ass you do whatever the hell she wants.

School has had me quite busy so it took me a while to get there but here I am review at the ready.

Bizarro is a genre where one can and should expect anything in fact its better not to expect anything in particular and just run with what the author throws at you. There’s No Happy Ending is like that and can I say not wrong on the title. Yikes!

This world that Tiffany has created is crumbling to nothing and with a pair of lovers who are so much in love getting to your wedding is quite the predicament. Throw in the most horrible mother/mother in law to be who will go so far as to kidnap her son to lets just say change him and keep him from the woman she doesn’t approve of. Though, I doubt any woman for her little boy would do.

A good read and one worth the sample for those who are new to bizarro and certainly one to check out for those who frequently partake.

Available in print or ebook from amazon There’s No Happy Ending is available now

Tiffany can be found online at her web site / twitter / instagram 

Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey #guestpost

I must be on an a talking vagina roll with my recent review of Close Call featuring Doris the sentient vagina. Today I have guest post from Wol-vriey discussing his new book Vegan Vampire Vaginas and reasons to give it a try, personally I think the title alone is reason enough.

Thank you to Wol-vriey for taking the time to share about his book.

Vegan Vampire Vagina

Fourteen Reasons Why You Should Read VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS (and recommend it to everyone else you know):

 

Firstly, I must say major thanks to Jessica for having me do this guest post.

Now to the why of this title. After two weeks futilely spent trying to write something witty and entertaining/revealing/educative, I’ve finally given up and decided instead to just brazenly promote my book.

Please forgive me if I sound bigheaded. LOL! I honestly believe my own hype for this book. J!

The 14 reasons:

 

  1. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is the book your ma and pa . . . no, everyone you know really, warned you against reading. J. It’s chock-full of good/bad people doing unmentionable things on every page. And well, most people enjoy dipping into something that’s taboo . . . occasionally.

One Goodreads reviewer nicely pointed out that Vegan Vampire Vaginas likely wouldn’t pass the Miller Test:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller_test

  1. It’s a long book. 130k words. 488 pages. Total value for money, if I say so myself. Even if you hate the story, you’ll be certain you’re getting your money’s worth of being pissed off, and that’s always a good thing.
  2. The print version is VERY BIG–will make a fantastic weapon for self-defense in times of danger. An added bonus? It’s thick enough to serve as a bulletproof shield!
  3. There’s a lot of graphic sex in it. In Vegan Vampire Vaginas, I attempt to be an all-persuasions erotic grocer. There’s straight sex, gay sex (both male and female), transsexual sex, and even lots of sex that you’ve never imagined possible, but I’ll not give too much away.
  4. Vegan Vampire Vaginas will look great on your coffee table, a surefire way to spark up that dull/dying conversation. Also, just imagine the cool answer you’ll be able to give anyone who asks what you’re currently reading.
  5. This novel doesn’t have Dracula or any of his relatives in it, nor their other undead cousins who tend to bay at the moon a lot, nor the other infected rotting ones who just want to eat your brains. That has to be a plus.
  6. There are a lot of love stories in this novel. Fans of m/f and f/f romance are certain to be delighted while being disgusted. Or disgusted while being delighted. Or delightfully disgusted . . .
  7. It has LOADS of strong female characters in it. More than the average ‘woman-friendly’ novel even. All the ladies kick butt. J!!!
  8. Okay, so it’s not YA (meaning do not let your teen brother or sister [or kid] anywhere near it!) but there’s MAGIC in it too.
  9. It has a literal vegan vagina in it. No, I’m not even going to try to explain.
  10. For fans of female sexual organs, there are likely more of them in this book than in the Vagina Monologues. LOL!
  11. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is FUN with a capital ‘F.’ It’s fast-paced, witty, entertaining, and also violent, bloody, unpredictable, and . . . I tried my best to cut out all the boring stuff no one likes. Hopefully I succeeded. JJJ
  12. 92% of Goodreads reviewers (so far) like it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22388473-vegan-vampire-vaginas

(Even the one gentleman who didn’t, praised my writing ability. Ha ha!)

  1. And finally ladies and gentlemen, all I can say is, you’ve never read ANYTHING like Vegan Vampire Vaginas before. The plot, the settings, the characters . . . everything. That’s a stone cold promise. I’d make a money back guarantee on it, but my publishers would be VERY annoyed. J.

Peace!

Wol-vriey.


VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS:

 

The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can’t remember pulling it off. And no, this isn’t your standard case of amnesia.

After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.

Then his day gets worse:

Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.

Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he’s the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.

He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.

With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he’s living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .

But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else’s life. Or is it?

Vegan Vampire Vaginas–a mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!

 

Wol-very

Wol-vriey is Nigerian and quite tall.

He writes surreal transgressive fiction.

He’s the author of Meat Suitcase, Chainsaw Cop Corpse, Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, and Boston Posh.

He blogs at: www.oddityfarm.wordpress.com

You can buy your Vegan Vampire Vagina here:

Amazon Kindle

Amazon Paperback

 

 

 

 

DangerRAMA by Danger Slater review

DangerRAMADangerRAMA by Danger Slater

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

 

Ladies and gentleworms, gargoyles and girls – do you have the mettle to step up and peer into the mouth of mayhem, incongruity, shock and perversion? A trio of taint-tingling tales await you between these covers. Your taint will tingle. On your taint. The taint is that area between your balls and asshole, in case you didn’t know. Is it tingling yet? Good. Now let these three twisted novellas forever change your pathetic little life:

KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE – An inter-dimensional tale of hamburgers, hubris and science gone mad!

SOMNAMBULANT – Terrorists, movie stars, and blue whales converge in this story about a dude who’s really just trying to get a good night’s sleep.

ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME – A computer malfunction sends a lone astronaut spiraling across the cosmos. Will he save mankind or just masturbate a lot?

 

I haven’t read any bizarro in a while so when Danger offered I wasn’t going to pass the offer up to review. What a nice sweet trio of freakish braingina juice smeared onto a page I’ve read in some time. I haven’t gone down bizarro road in about a year so when I started reading the first of three stories I just sat there shaking my head omg did he really write that, it’s so wrong I thought while giggling to myself in manic glee.

Book one about a high school teacher who’s invention goes um screwy and well white castle goes stone age or fantastically freaky or straight up crazy. Whatever your view it will make you scratch your head and chortle along to the freaky fun.

Book two about a guy who “sleepwalks” and doesn’t recall a thing he does while sleepwalking is just wow. In this awesome world he ends up worshipped, is Will Smiths love interest, steals world famous art works, becomes a terrorist and dismembers family.
Seriously entertaining but to not give more spoilers than I have well you’ve just gotta read it.

Last but not least is a book that just made me go omg you just had sex with your own finger dude yes you are alone in space and you reanimated it into a life size being of sorts but still wtf and then it became touching in a weird bizarro way. I suspect Danger is one of those mushy touchy feely guys. Plus he uses big words in it so yeah go Danger. It’s really quite well done with a world that is getting to the point of not being habitable so you test tube genius baby that we raised to go into space to save us all well good luck out there alone for ages till you find the promised land.

Great job done by Danger on these stories and sucking me in to his mad, mad world. I enjoyed myself immensly and look forward to more Danger by Danger.


House Hunters by S.T Cartledge review

Imogen is a House Hunter. Those suckers have legs and just take off. Don’t you just hate it when that happens, but that was a nice view house. No I want to stretch my legs here, but you’re a house house shouldn’t you stay in one place. Not in bizarroland.

House Hunter

 

Finding a good house is a house hunter’s job. If you want a great house, you need Imogen. She’s the best at capturing young houses and training them to be homes. But all of her skills will be tested when the Association goes after the mythical Jabberhouse in order to breed houses in captivity. With a mysterious helper, Imogen and her house fight to stay alive and keep houses free.

A bizarro adventure, with cockroach people, spider-cars, assassins, house-fights, and a big-ass castle stomping into battle against an ancient temple. House hunting has never been so weird.

 

Bizarro how I love it. Unique reads entertain me like few others. Yes I like the big popular reads that many know about and read but bizarro gives me something different. Gives me a chance to stretch my brains legs and go wander places.

Imogen and her lovely home take down a runaway house with some serious kung-fu skills and then trains it to be a good little home. I like the world that Shane has built seriously strange, elaborate and fantastical. Wonderful stuff. The hunt for the Jabberhouse to keep the evil association away really creates some fantastic scenes. Wonderful creatures too, there are moments however that I became lost and felt like something had been skipped but I wasn’t sure if it was me or just an odd quirk of the story. Despite these moments I enjoyed the story.

I thank Shane for contacting me and letting me delve into his world.

Interview with bizarro author J.W Wargo

I do so love bizarro. It’s weird and quirky kinda like me. Okay it puts me to shame but I like variety tis the spice of life you know. J.W. Wargo another bizarro author – you all know how I like to stalk them all, kindly allowed me to interrogate him. His new book Avoiding Mortimer is one that I simply love the sound of one to check out for sure. 16121727

 

 

Rest in Processing…

Mortimer has tried his whole life long to avoid everything. He’s estranged from his undead family, stuck in a shitty job, and his only friends are ants. Mortimer decides to avoid the rest of living. But it turns out there is much more to avoid after suicide-Eternity in a body-making factory, a soul-hungry ant blob, God and his minions, the Afterlife, and even what lies beyond it. Aided by a sentient pile of dreadlocks, his acquired skills, and dumb luck, Mortimer attempts to avoid everything-and does a miserable job of it. A bizarro adventure story about life, the afterlife, the after-afterlife, and avoiding it all-especially the parts like working as an aglet-biter, or drinking shots of Holy Fuck.

 

1. What is something about you that no one knows?

I tried to save a dying squirrel in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

2. How did you discover bizarro and what about it sucked you in?

By accident. I was in the Portland Central Library looking for Absurdist books when I came across the name Carlton Mellick III. I ended up borrowing books by him, Kevin L. Donihe, and D. Harlan Wilson. Reading “Shall We Gather at the Garden?” was what really sucked me in. It’s still one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. For years I had been writing all this stuff I thought was silly and weird and fun but no one was interested in it, and figured that was just the way of things. All that changed when I discovered Bizarro fiction.

3. How did becoming a bizarro author yourself come about?

I think for myself, it was a much longer process than it has been for others. I discovered the genre in 2008, shortly before I left Portland to become a full time hitchhiker. I was traveling almost nonstop for three years and never found the time to sit down and write anything substantial. I began a novella in 2009 that I intended submitting for the 2010 New Bizarro Author Series, but never finished it. It wasn’t until the Winter of 2011 that I decided to make it a priority to get published. I pitched three ideas to the editor, he liked one and I wrote it. The rough draft was accepted shortly thereafter.

4. What was bizarrocon like?

BizarroCon 2012 was my fourth I attended, and it was quite possibly the most memorable of the four as it was my first as a published author. It’s a small convention in relation to others, about 50-100 people. It’s a very close knit group and more like a family reunion than a convention. It has the standard convention activities: workshops, panels, readings, but every night is basically a big party and every year they hold my absolute favorite competition: The Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. Contestants give the weirdest performance they can. Judges rate the performances and prizes are awarded to the top three.

5. Do you have plans to try out other genre or are you a one genre man?

I write primarily Absurdist, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy stories, but have written straight fiction and poetry as well. My stories tend to fall into more than one genre, but most could be considered weird fiction.

6. Please tell me about Avoiding Mortimer

Avoiding Mortimer is a absurd philosophical tale about a man’s journey through the afterlife. Mortimer, the man in question, suffers from an Avoidant Personality Disorder and commits suicide after a particularly bad day. He discovers that there is a post-mortal realm and it has been corporatized. His journey takes him through several states of existence, including Limbo and Void, and he interacts with an assortment of characters including a glob of partially digested ants, sentient dreadlocks, and God, himself, known as the Afterlife Administrator.

7. What do you go out of your way to avoid?

Quite the opposite of the protagonist of the book, I have an “I’ll try anything once” attitude. I am Neophile at heart and am always looking for new things to experience. That being said, I am a pacifist and will avoid violence whenever possible.

8. What do you have planned next for readers?

This year I will be focused primarily on promoting my book and trying to earn a contract with Eraserhead Press. Over the Winter, I recorded an Avoiding Mortimer audiobook, complete with a voice cast, and am giving it away free to anyone who reviews the book on Amazon, and/or sends me photo of them licking the cover. More details on the giveaway can be found here: http://jwwargo.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-avoiding-mortimer-audiobook-giveaway.html