Category Archives: Bizarro

Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey #guestpost

I must be on an a talking vagina roll with my recent review of Close Call featuring Doris the sentient vagina. Today I have guest post from Wol-vriey discussing his new book Vegan Vampire Vaginas and reasons to give it a try, personally I think the title alone is reason enough.

Thank you to Wol-vriey for taking the time to share about his book.

Vegan Vampire Vagina

Fourteen Reasons Why You Should Read VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS (and recommend it to everyone else you know):


Firstly, I must say major thanks to Jessica for having me do this guest post.

Now to the why of this title. After two weeks futilely spent trying to write something witty and entertaining/revealing/educative, I’ve finally given up and decided instead to just brazenly promote my book.

Please forgive me if I sound bigheaded. LOL! I honestly believe my own hype for this book. J!

The 14 reasons:


  1. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is the book your ma and pa . . . no, everyone you know really, warned you against reading. J. It’s chock-full of good/bad people doing unmentionable things on every page. And well, most people enjoy dipping into something that’s taboo . . . occasionally.

One Goodreads reviewer nicely pointed out that Vegan Vampire Vaginas likely wouldn’t pass the Miller Test:

  1. It’s a long book. 130k words. 488 pages. Total value for money, if I say so myself. Even if you hate the story, you’ll be certain you’re getting your money’s worth of being pissed off, and that’s always a good thing.
  2. The print version is VERY BIG–will make a fantastic weapon for self-defense in times of danger. An added bonus? It’s thick enough to serve as a bulletproof shield!
  3. There’s a lot of graphic sex in it. In Vegan Vampire Vaginas, I attempt to be an all-persuasions erotic grocer. There’s straight sex, gay sex (both male and female), transsexual sex, and even lots of sex that you’ve never imagined possible, but I’ll not give too much away.
  4. Vegan Vampire Vaginas will look great on your coffee table, a surefire way to spark up that dull/dying conversation. Also, just imagine the cool answer you’ll be able to give anyone who asks what you’re currently reading.
  5. This novel doesn’t have Dracula or any of his relatives in it, nor their other undead cousins who tend to bay at the moon a lot, nor the other infected rotting ones who just want to eat your brains. That has to be a plus.
  6. There are a lot of love stories in this novel. Fans of m/f and f/f romance are certain to be delighted while being disgusted. Or disgusted while being delighted. Or delightfully disgusted . . .
  7. It has LOADS of strong female characters in it. More than the average ‘woman-friendly’ novel even. All the ladies kick butt. J!!!
  8. Okay, so it’s not YA (meaning do not let your teen brother or sister [or kid] anywhere near it!) but there’s MAGIC in it too.
  9. It has a literal vegan vagina in it. No, I’m not even going to try to explain.
  10. For fans of female sexual organs, there are likely more of them in this book than in the Vagina Monologues. LOL!
  11. Vegan Vampire Vaginas is FUN with a capital ‘F.’ It’s fast-paced, witty, entertaining, and also violent, bloody, unpredictable, and . . . I tried my best to cut out all the boring stuff no one likes. Hopefully I succeeded. JJJ
  12. 92% of Goodreads reviewers (so far) like it.

(Even the one gentleman who didn’t, praised my writing ability. Ha ha!)

  1. And finally ladies and gentlemen, all I can say is, you’ve never read ANYTHING like Vegan Vampire Vaginas before. The plot, the settings, the characters . . . everything. That’s a stone cold promise. I’d make a money back guarantee on it, but my publishers would be VERY annoyed. J.





The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can’t remember pulling it off. And no, this isn’t your standard case of amnesia.

After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.

Then his day gets worse:

Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.

Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he’s the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.

He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.

With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he’s living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .

But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else’s life. Or is it?

Vegan Vampire Vaginas–a mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!



Wol-vriey is Nigerian and quite tall.

He writes surreal transgressive fiction.

He’s the author of Meat Suitcase, Chainsaw Cop Corpse, Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, and Boston Posh.

He blogs at:

You can buy your Vegan Vampire Vagina here:

Amazon Kindle

Amazon Paperback





DangerRAMA by Danger Slater review

DangerRAMADangerRAMA by Danger Slater

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Ladies and gentleworms, gargoyles and girls – do you have the mettle to step up and peer into the mouth of mayhem, incongruity, shock and perversion? A trio of taint-tingling tales await you between these covers. Your taint will tingle. On your taint. The taint is that area between your balls and asshole, in case you didn’t know. Is it tingling yet? Good. Now let these three twisted novellas forever change your pathetic little life:

KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE – An inter-dimensional tale of hamburgers, hubris and science gone mad!

SOMNAMBULANT – Terrorists, movie stars, and blue whales converge in this story about a dude who’s really just trying to get a good night’s sleep.

ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME – A computer malfunction sends a lone astronaut spiraling across the cosmos. Will he save mankind or just masturbate a lot?


I haven’t read any bizarro in a while so when Danger offered I wasn’t going to pass the offer up to review. What a nice sweet trio of freakish braingina juice smeared onto a page I’ve read in some time. I haven’t gone down bizarro road in about a year so when I started reading the first of three stories I just sat there shaking my head omg did he really write that, it’s so wrong I thought while giggling to myself in manic glee.

Book one about a high school teacher who’s invention goes um screwy and well white castle goes stone age or fantastically freaky or straight up crazy. Whatever your view it will make you scratch your head and chortle along to the freaky fun.

Book two about a guy who “sleepwalks” and doesn’t recall a thing he does while sleepwalking is just wow. In this awesome world he ends up worshipped, is Will Smiths love interest, steals world famous art works, becomes a terrorist and dismembers family.
Seriously entertaining but to not give more spoilers than I have well you’ve just gotta read it.

Last but not least is a book that just made me go omg you just had sex with your own finger dude yes you are alone in space and you reanimated it into a life size being of sorts but still wtf and then it became touching in a weird bizarro way. I suspect Danger is one of those mushy touchy feely guys. Plus he uses big words in it so yeah go Danger. It’s really quite well done with a world that is getting to the point of not being habitable so you test tube genius baby that we raised to go into space to save us all well good luck out there alone for ages till you find the promised land.

Great job done by Danger on these stories and sucking me in to his mad, mad world. I enjoyed myself immensly and look forward to more Danger by Danger.

House Hunters by S.T Cartledge review

Imogen is a House Hunter. Those suckers have legs and just take off. Don’t you just hate it when that happens, but that was a nice view house. No I want to stretch my legs here, but you’re a house house shouldn’t you stay in one place. Not in bizarroland.

House Hunter


Finding a good house is a house hunter’s job. If you want a great house, you need Imogen. She’s the best at capturing young houses and training them to be homes. But all of her skills will be tested when the Association goes after the mythical Jabberhouse in order to breed houses in captivity. With a mysterious helper, Imogen and her house fight to stay alive and keep houses free.

A bizarro adventure, with cockroach people, spider-cars, assassins, house-fights, and a big-ass castle stomping into battle against an ancient temple. House hunting has never been so weird.


Bizarro how I love it. Unique reads entertain me like few others. Yes I like the big popular reads that many know about and read but bizarro gives me something different. Gives me a chance to stretch my brains legs and go wander places.

Imogen and her lovely home take down a runaway house with some serious kung-fu skills and then trains it to be a good little home. I like the world that Shane has built seriously strange, elaborate and fantastical. Wonderful stuff. The hunt for the Jabberhouse to keep the evil association away really creates some fantastic scenes. Wonderful creatures too, there are moments however that I became lost and felt like something had been skipped but I wasn’t sure if it was me or just an odd quirk of the story. Despite these moments I enjoyed the story.

I thank Shane for contacting me and letting me delve into his world.

Interview with bizarro author J.W Wargo

I do so love bizarro. It’s weird and quirky kinda like me. Okay it puts me to shame but I like variety tis the spice of life you know. J.W. Wargo another bizarro author – you all know how I like to stalk them all, kindly allowed me to interrogate him. His new book Avoiding Mortimer is one that I simply love the sound of one to check out for sure. 16121727



Rest in Processing…

Mortimer has tried his whole life long to avoid everything. He’s estranged from his undead family, stuck in a shitty job, and his only friends are ants. Mortimer decides to avoid the rest of living. But it turns out there is much more to avoid after suicide-Eternity in a body-making factory, a soul-hungry ant blob, God and his minions, the Afterlife, and even what lies beyond it. Aided by a sentient pile of dreadlocks, his acquired skills, and dumb luck, Mortimer attempts to avoid everything-and does a miserable job of it. A bizarro adventure story about life, the afterlife, the after-afterlife, and avoiding it all-especially the parts like working as an aglet-biter, or drinking shots of Holy Fuck.


1. What is something about you that no one knows?

I tried to save a dying squirrel in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

2. How did you discover bizarro and what about it sucked you in?

By accident. I was in the Portland Central Library looking for Absurdist books when I came across the name Carlton Mellick III. I ended up borrowing books by him, Kevin L. Donihe, and D. Harlan Wilson. Reading “Shall We Gather at the Garden?” was what really sucked me in. It’s still one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. For years I had been writing all this stuff I thought was silly and weird and fun but no one was interested in it, and figured that was just the way of things. All that changed when I discovered Bizarro fiction.

3. How did becoming a bizarro author yourself come about?

I think for myself, it was a much longer process than it has been for others. I discovered the genre in 2008, shortly before I left Portland to become a full time hitchhiker. I was traveling almost nonstop for three years and never found the time to sit down and write anything substantial. I began a novella in 2009 that I intended submitting for the 2010 New Bizarro Author Series, but never finished it. It wasn’t until the Winter of 2011 that I decided to make it a priority to get published. I pitched three ideas to the editor, he liked one and I wrote it. The rough draft was accepted shortly thereafter.

4. What was bizarrocon like?

BizarroCon 2012 was my fourth I attended, and it was quite possibly the most memorable of the four as it was my first as a published author. It’s a small convention in relation to others, about 50-100 people. It’s a very close knit group and more like a family reunion than a convention. It has the standard convention activities: workshops, panels, readings, but every night is basically a big party and every year they hold my absolute favorite competition: The Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. Contestants give the weirdest performance they can. Judges rate the performances and prizes are awarded to the top three.

5. Do you have plans to try out other genre or are you a one genre man?

I write primarily Absurdist, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy stories, but have written straight fiction and poetry as well. My stories tend to fall into more than one genre, but most could be considered weird fiction.

6. Please tell me about Avoiding Mortimer

Avoiding Mortimer is a absurd philosophical tale about a man’s journey through the afterlife. Mortimer, the man in question, suffers from an Avoidant Personality Disorder and commits suicide after a particularly bad day. He discovers that there is a post-mortal realm and it has been corporatized. His journey takes him through several states of existence, including Limbo and Void, and he interacts with an assortment of characters including a glob of partially digested ants, sentient dreadlocks, and God, himself, known as the Afterlife Administrator.

7. What do you go out of your way to avoid?

Quite the opposite of the protagonist of the book, I have an “I’ll try anything once” attitude. I am Neophile at heart and am always looking for new things to experience. That being said, I am a pacifist and will avoid violence whenever possible.

8. What do you have planned next for readers?

This year I will be focused primarily on promoting my book and trying to earn a contract with Eraserhead Press. Over the Winter, I recorded an Avoiding Mortimer audiobook, complete with a voice cast, and am giving it away free to anyone who reviews the book on Amazon, and/or sends me photo of them licking the cover. More details on the giveaway can be found here:

Interview with bizarro author G. Arthur Brown

I’m pleased to feature new bizarro author Gary A. Brown on today to share about himself. His new book Kitten is part of the new bizarro author series so it’s a must read for me. I’m excited to share the interview and hope you’ll all check out Gary’s kitty cat.


It’s the story of a pill-popping mother, an estranged father, their hapless son and his kitten, which is not a kitten.

No. It’s the story of a kitten that IS a kitten on a Steel Planet he does not understand, accompanied by oddball companions on a quest to return home, seeking revenge.

Stop! You’re both right. Kitten combines darkly personal and surreal psychodrama with zany adventure and absurd satire, adding to the mix a father-in-law who refuses to die and an ugly neighbor with fish for hands. Can Trevor enjoy the next episode of The Oversea Adventures of Pirate Piet? Does Willoughby make a fashionable hat for giant pandas? Only Kitten holds the answers.

Please tell me about yourself –

I’m 36, I’m single, and I’ve been writing seriously for about 6 years now.  I work a blue collar job to pay the bills. I have an AA degree, which I don’t use, and I never pursued further education.  I’ve played guitar and sung in various bands, and I’ve appeared in several low-budget horror spoof/homages from Dire Wit Films.  I find movies and television have been quite influential on my writing.  Horses are my least favorite farm animal and yield-sign yellow is my least favorite color. I also find it quite difficult to turn invisible.

What is something about you that no one knows? –

I’m an expert on Romantic Comedies. I watch just about every one when it comes on cable.  I recently watched This Means War, starring Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine and Tom Hardy. It confirmed my suspicions that Tom Hardy can actually act, while Chris Pine can’t.  Hardy, who has been known to play fighters, tough guys, mercenaries and thugs really stretches himself to the limit in this one. This time he’s a CIA special agent who shoots kids in the face with a paintball gun.  And he’s in love.  You can see the love in his eyes. I bet he really fell in love with Witherspoon.  I probably would, too, if I was in a film opposite her, or even just in the same room with her.

Okay, let me start over. I’m in love with Reese Witherspoon. That’s something no one knows. But I’d rather marry Juno Temple, given the choice. (Sorry, Reese, I know we just spent all that time in the imaginary room together.)

How did you discover bizarro and what about it appealed to you? –

When first getting serious, I was mainly writing slipstream kind of material, stuff that was on the fringes of sci-fi/fantasy without any of the tropes that really strongly appeal to the core audience.  As I looked for places to market my short fiction, it quickly became apparent that without elves, dragons and wizards, I was going to have a hard time placing my material in genre mags.  I was writing more Twilight-Zoney stories, so I started seeking out other writers doing fiction that was also hard to categorize.  Googling led me to the New Weird anthology by the VanderMeers and the Bizarro Starter Kit Orange. I immediately fell in love with the short fiction of D. Harlan Wilson.  I loved how he spun these completely irreal yarns that were smart, weird and fun at the same time.  I guess Bizarro appealed to me more than any other weird genre because it was completely without pretense of being HIGH LITERATURE and it was no confined by traditional genre lines.  You can find Bizarros doing just about anything.

New Weird, on the other hand, is more significantly tied to its roots in fantasy, with sci-fi, steampunk and horror trappings added on.  It’s all secondary world fiction.  NW authors just avoid using elves and dragons and wizards, subbing in more Lovecraftian or Cronenbergian creatures in their place.  I like a lot of that writing, don’t get me wrong, but I find it limiting. Though I may one day write related novellas in a NW world.  But I swear I am never going to do a novel trilogy.

Also, I want to define my vision for Slipstream, which is a term that is sometimes used interchangeably with Interstitial Fiction, or applied to stuff which crosses from genre into mainstream (genre-lite).  I think that, as the editors argue in Feeling Very Strange: The Slipstream Anthology, Slipstream boils down to a literary effect:  cognitive dissonance. True Slipstream makes your mind try to track the story in at least two different dimensions.  For instance, the film Jacob’s Ladder can be seen as the story of a man on hallucinogens dying in Vietnam, that it is all just his mind trying to fight—and then coming to terms with—the fact that he’s dying.  But the other level makes the angels and demons real, like there must be a mystical element as well.  For one thing, Jacob sure seems to be living in a post-Vietnam-War America in his delusions. He’s hearing music that wouldn’t have been released before his year of death.  And don’t we want the ghost of Macaulay Culkin to really be leading Tim Robbins to the next life?  So, it could be that we will never know what was really going on in that story, or that different parts of the story only occurred in one dimension.And that’s fine. Because the story still works and feels complete. It’s not science OR mysticism.  It could be both (or neither).

A great current example of Slipstream in television is the show Wilfred.  I’m speaking of the American version, because it is the only version I’ve seen at this point. For the uninitiated, it’s the tale of a guy who sees his neighbor’s dog as a man in a dog suit.  And the dog drinks from glasses, does bong hits, plays guitar, uses the internet. All kinds of things a dog can’t do.  But the show makes numerous cases for us to believe that the main character is actually just crazy.  He’s just imaging the dog doing these things, when in reality the dog is simply a dog.  The insanity explanation doesn’t really account for how Wilfred does all of these impossible tasks, though.  Sometimes Wilfred provides information to Ryan that we can’t see how he would have gotten otherwise.  So, we are kept in limbo. And that’s why the show works.  We want an explanation, but we can’t possibly accept any single explanation of the events.  He can’t be a man in a dog suit, and Ryan can’t simply be crazy. So: cognitive dissonance.  It’s what I strive for in much of my writing. And it’s fully compatible with Bizarro.

How did becoming part of this years NBAS happen? –

That’s a long story.  In 2011 Kitten was just a long short story, which was basically the first part of the current novella.  I had had some early versions of it rejected by respectable publications, such as Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet, so I went to check out Eraserhead, see what their submission policies were.  And I found this page about submitting to the NBAS, which I was totally unaware of at the time, and I thought to myself, “Hmmm.  If I write a second half for Kitten, I could submit it as a novella for the NBAS.”  So, in June of 2011 I contacted Kevin L. Donihe and I sent him the first half of Kitten. I told him I would be writing a second half, which would actually focus on the kitten, who was noticeably absent from the first half, despite the story being named for him. Kevin responded by saying, “Go ahead and the send the whole thing if it’s less than 32,000 words.”  At the time I didn’t know how to take it, but it turns out that this was his way of saying he was interested.

But instead of finishing the second half of the story, I lost my hard drive that the files were on during some serious personal problems.  I didn’t manage to get back to writing for almost a year.  I had to piece together the second half from bits I had printed out and notes that I had made. But I did finish Kitten in June of 2012, emailed Kevin explaining why I hadn’t submitted it last year, and we picked up right where we left off. I think it was good that I had a chance to sit on the story and develop it further, and it probably turned out to be a better book in 2012 than it would have been in 2011.

Working with Kevin was a great experience.  But I had no idea what was going on.  It’s the first time I’ve really worked with an editor of any kind.  I didn’t receive an official acceptance until we’d already done a few revisions of the story.  It was nerve-wracking, waiting with fingers crossed. But Kevin definitely helped me polish Kitten into the best possible Kitten it could be.

What was bizarrocon like? –

Bizarro Con was possibly the greatest experience of my life.  I’m a fairly cynical person, but as soon as I arrived, that cynicism just drained right out of me.  Everyone there was awesome, and I could sense a genuine community there, unlike other scenes which are all about social climbing and using others for your own benefit.

Like I said, I’ve been in a few bands, and local music scenes are invariably negative, with everyone being two-faced.  “I loved your band.  We should do a show together.”  Translates to:  “I probably didn’t even listen to your band, I was too busy talking about how great my band is, but if you want to book a show for us, that would be great.”  That’s my previous experience of scenes.

Anyway, Bizarro Con was fun and honest.  That’s a really unique thing, I’d say. It’s so full of creative people that it made me glad to be alive.  It made me want to create.

What inspired you to write Kitten? –

It came from a few different things.  It started as a stream of consciousness piece, like most of my writing does.  I imagined an impatient mother, a needy child and a kitten that was not a kitten.  I like word play and I like paradoxes.  From there, I was inspired by a recent bad break-up to make the story about the failing relationship of two self-absorbed people.  A lot of my ideas about parenting, the media and society wound up coming out in the first half of the story.

The second half of the story was inspired by my love of the nonsensical adventure in a Wonderland-type setting.  Lewis Carroll is still one of my biggest influences. I’ve loved the Alice stories since I was kid.  The second half also gave me a chance to do some social satire and make fun of writing clichés.  The character Tamanney was actually based on something Mr. Nihil, who also did the cover art for Kitten, said to me once.  He was trying to describe the difference between the truly weird and what he calls “monkey cheese.” Monkey cheese is random crap that normal people spout when they are trying to be weird. But a character with fish for hands, who lives on a steel planet and eats wild guns, while avoiding being murdered by his neighbors, and disguising himself as a fashionable hat to hitch rides on giant pandas… that’s truly weird.  Mr. Nihil and I have very similar philosophies about weirdness.  He definitely helped to keep my inspired to finish Kitten.

What are you reading now? – 

I’m about to start The Hearing Trumpet by Leonora Carrington.  I’m also reading a short story collection called Sleep Has No Master by Jon Konrath, who I met over at the New Absurdist site back when that was still active.

Some fave authors and books? –

In Bizarro – Ray Fracalossy’s “Tales from the Vinegar Wasteland” was one of the first books associated with Bizarro that I fell in love with.  My new fave may be Kirsten Alene, but I’ve only just started to read her.  Jordan Krall is a phenomenal writer, topped only by the more brilliant moments of Cameron Pierce.  Vince Kramer’s “Gigantic Death Worm” might be the most fun I’ve ever had reading a book, and I look forward to whatever he writes in the future.

My favorite living authors are Kelly Link and Brian Evenson.  I devour everything they produce.  I particularly love that Link only does short fiction, because short stories are my favorites.  (I can think of many perfect short stories, but hardly any perfect novels.) Laura Lee Bahr’s Haunt deserves a mention, also.  American Gods by Neil Gaiman was the book that really got me to write seriously.

Most of the rest of my favorites are all dead:  Jorge Luis Borges, Franz Kafka, Donald Barthelme, Italo Calvino, Lewis Carroll, Paul Bowles, Charles Bukowski.  I love Lord Dunsany’s wild imagination, fantasy before there were any clichés. Robert W. Chamber’s The King in Yellow and Maker of Moons also had a big impact on me and I think they are the seminal works that led to horror as we now know it. When I was younger I read a lot of Ray Bradbury and Douglas Adams.

What do you have coming up next? –

I have to do a lot of promotion for Kitten.  There will be a couple fun contests this year. I’ll be working on a few short stories and novelettes, but won’t begin work on another novel until late fall, probably.   I’m also hosting Featured Flash on my blog (, showcasing the work of other up-and-coming writers, and occasionally pieces by seasoned writers to help promote the newbies.  I’m really excited about the flood of great material that people have sent me.