I must be on an a talking vagina roll with my recent review of Close Call featuring Doris the sentient vagina. Today I have guest post from Wol-vriey discussing his new book Vegan Vampire Vaginas and reasons to give it a try, personally I think the title alone is reason enough.
Thank you to Wol-vriey for taking the time to share about his book.
Fourteen Reasons Why You Should Read VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS (and recommend it to everyone else you know):
Firstly, I must say major thanks to Jessica for having me do this guest post.
Now to the why of this title. After two weeks futilely spent trying to write something witty and entertaining/revealing/educative, I’ve finally given up and decided instead to just brazenly promote my book.
Please forgive me if I sound bigheaded. LOL! I honestly believe my own hype for this book. J!
The 14 reasons:
- Vegan Vampire Vaginas is the book your ma and pa . . . no, everyone you know really, warned you against reading. J. It’s chock-full of good/bad people doing unmentionable things on every page. And well, most people enjoy dipping into something that’s taboo . . . occasionally.
One Goodreads reviewer nicely pointed out that Vegan Vampire Vaginas likely wouldn’t pass the Miller Test:
- It’s a long book. 130k words. 488 pages. Total value for money, if I say so myself. Even if you hate the story, you’ll be certain you’re getting your money’s worth of being pissed off, and that’s always a good thing.
- The print version is VERY BIG–will make a fantastic weapon for self-defense in times of danger. An added bonus? It’s thick enough to serve as a bulletproof shield!
- There’s a lot of graphic sex in it. In Vegan Vampire Vaginas, I attempt to be an all-persuasions erotic grocer. There’s straight sex, gay sex (both male and female), transsexual sex, and even lots of sex that you’ve never imagined possible, but I’ll not give too much away.
- Vegan Vampire Vaginas will look great on your coffee table, a surefire way to spark up that dull/dying conversation. Also, just imagine the cool answer you’ll be able to give anyone who asks what you’re currently reading.
- This novel doesn’t have Dracula or any of his relatives in it, nor their other undead cousins who tend to bay at the moon a lot, nor the other infected rotting ones who just want to eat your brains. That has to be a plus.
- There are a lot of love stories in this novel. Fans of m/f and f/f romance are certain to be delighted while being disgusted. Or disgusted while being delighted. Or delightfully disgusted . . .
- It has LOADS of strong female characters in it. More than the average ‘woman-friendly’ novel even. All the ladies kick butt. J!!!
- Okay, so it’s not YA (meaning do not let your teen brother or sister [or kid] anywhere near it!) but there’s MAGIC in it too.
- It has a literal vegan vagina in it. No, I’m not even going to try to explain.
- For fans of female sexual organs, there are likely more of them in this book than in the Vagina Monologues. LOL!
- Vegan Vampire Vaginas is FUN with a capital ‘F.’ It’s fast-paced, witty, entertaining, and also violent, bloody, unpredictable, and . . . I tried my best to cut out all the boring stuff no one likes. Hopefully I succeeded. JJJ
- 92% of Goodreads reviewers (so far) like it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22388473-vegan-vampire-vaginas
(Even the one gentleman who didn’t, praised my writing ability. Ha ha!)
- And finally ladies and gentlemen, all I can say is, you’ve never read ANYTHING like Vegan Vampire Vaginas before. The plot, the settings, the characters . . . everything. That’s a stone cold promise. I’d make a money back guarantee on it, but my publishers would be VERY annoyed. J.
VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS:
The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can’t remember pulling it off. And no, this isn’t your standard case of amnesia.
After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.
Then his day gets worse:
Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.
Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he’s the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.
He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.
With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he’s living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .
But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else’s life. Or is it?
Vegan Vampire Vaginas–a mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!
Wol-vriey is Nigerian and quite tall.
He writes surreal transgressive fiction.
He’s the author of Meat Suitcase, Chainsaw Cop Corpse, Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, and Boston Posh.
He blogs at: www.oddityfarm.wordpress.com
You can buy your Vegan Vampire Vagina here: