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Everything She Forgot by Lisa Ballantyne book tour #giveaway

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EVERYTHING SHE FORGOT
by Lisa Ballantyne

 

Lisa Ballantyne, international bestselling author of The Guilty One, delivers a compelling domestic thriller with impeccably observed characters and masterful edge-of-your-seat storytelling in a novel that leaps between past and present with page-turning finesse.

 

They’re calling it the worst pile-up in London history. Driving home, Margaret Holloway has her mind elsewhere—on a troubled student, her daughter’s acting class, the next day’s meeting—when she’s rear-ended and trapped in the wreckage. Just as she begins to panic, a disfigured stranger pulls her from the car just seconds before it’s engulfed in flames. Then he simply disappears.

Though she escapes with minor injuries, Margaret feels that something’s wrong. She’s having trouble concentrating. Her emotions are running wild. More than that, flashbacks to the crash are also dredging up lost associations from her childhood, fragments of events that were wiped from her memory. Whatever happened, she didn’t merely forget—she chose to forget. And somehow, Margaret knows deep down that it’s got something to do with the man who saved her life.

As Margaret uncovers a mystery with chilling implications for her family and her very identity, Everything She Forgot winds through a riveting dual narrative and asks the question: How far would you go to hide the truth—from yourself…?

 

 

CHAPTER 1

Margaret Holloway

Thursday, December 5, 2013

 

Margaret Holloway wrapped her scarf around her face before she walked out into the school parking lot. It was not long after four o’clock, but a winter pall had shifted over London. It was dusk already, wary streetlamps casting premature light onto the icy pavements. Snowflakes had begun to swirl and Margaret blinked as one landed on her eyelashes. The first snow of the year always brought a silence, dampening down all sound. She felt gratefully alone, walking out into the new darkness, hers the only footprints on the path. She had been too hot inside and the cold air was welcome.

Her car was on the far side of the parking lot and she wasn’t wearing proper shoes for the weather, although she had on her long brown eiderdown coat. She had heard on the radio that it

was to be the worst winter in the past fifty years.

It was only a few weeks until her thirty-sixth birthday, which always fell during the school holidays, but she had so much to do before the end of term. She was carrying a large handbag, heavy with documents to read for a meeting tomorrow. She was one of two deputy head teachers at Byron Academy, and the only woman on the senior management team, although one of the four assistant heads below Margaret was female. The day had left her tense and electrified. Her mind was fresh popcorn in hot oil, noisy with all the things she still had to do.

She walked faster than she might have done in such wintry conditions, because she was angry.

 

“Don’t do this,” she had just pleaded with the head teacher, Malcolm Harris.

“It’s a serious breach,” Malcolm had said, leaning right back in his chair and putting two hands beside his head, as if surrendering, and showing a clear circle of sweat at each armpit. “I know how you feel about him. I know he’s one of your ‘projects’ but—”

“It’s not that . . . it’s just that permanent exclusion could ruin him. Stephen’s come so far.”

“I think you’ll find he’s known as Trap.”

“And I don’t think of him as a project,” Margaret had continued, ignoring Malcolm’s remark. She was well aware of Stephen Hardy’s gang affiliations—knew him better than most of the teachers. She had joined the school fresh out of college, as an English teacher, but had soon moved into the Learning

Support Unit. The unit often worked with children with behavioral problems who had to be removed from mainstream classes, and she had been shocked by the number of children who couldn’t even read or write. She had taught Stephen since his first year, when she discovered that, at the age of thirteen,

he still couldn’t write his own address. She had tutored him for two years until he was back in normal classes and had been so proud of him when he got his GCSEs.

“He was carrying a knife in school. It’s a simple case as far as I can see. He’s nearly seventeen years old and—” “It feels like you’re condemning him. This is coming at the worst time—he’s started his A Levels and he’s making such good progress. This’ll shatter his confidence.”

“We can’t have knives in school.”

“He wasn’t brandishing the knife. It was discovered by accident at the gym. You know he carries it for protection, nothing more.”

 

Reprinted courtesy of HarperCollins Publishers.


 

Lisa Ballantyne ap1 (1)Lisa Ballantyne is the author of the Edgar Award-nominated The Guilty One. She spent most of her twenties working and living in China, before returning to the UK in 2002. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland.

 

 

BUY LINKS:

AMAZON     BARNES & NOBLE      INDIEBOUND

 

 

Read a Latte 10/20/2015
Community Bookstop 10/16/2015
Celticlady’s Reviews 10/9/2015
Bookishly Me 10/13/2015
Prosecco in the Park 10/15/2015
Community Bookstop 10/20/2015
The College Life Stylist 9/29/2015
That Artsy Reader Girl 10/29/2015
The Well-Read Redhead 10/9/2015
Jess resides here 10/18/2015
Carole’s Book Corner 10/26/2015
Mrs Mommy Booknerd’s Book Reviews 11/10/2015
#NerdProblems 10/20/2015
everything distils unto reading 10/20/2015
BeautyLifeGeek 10/7/2015
Life, Army Wife Style 10/12/2015
Forever on a Lilo 9/22/2015
My Bookshelf 10/16/2015
Booksie’s Blog 10/15/2015
Finding My Yellow 10/30/2015
Silver’s Reviews 10/6/2015
Sweet Southern Home 10/27/2015
Mrs Mommy Booknerd’s Book reviews 10/29/2015

 

 

 

 

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Author Carly Ellen Kramer and How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé

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I have an interview with author Carly Ellen Kramer to share as well as a recipe and an excerpt from her book How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé which sounds like a delicious title. The book released in late 2014 is available now.

Forget what your English professor told you – life stories are not written in college.

Madeleine LaBlange, Annie Anderson, and Audrey Navarro shared formative years as roommates at Chicago’s Catholic haven for women, the historic Abbott College. If only they could have predicted the collisions between their carefully crafted life plans and the realities they discover beyond campus…

Madeleine harbors dreams of becoming a concert pianist while Dr. Reynold Fenwick, her mercurial graduate school mentor, harbors fantasies of Madeleine. Will pursuing her dreams be worth the cost? Will an evening in Budapest change her life forever?

Annie plans to build a perfect family with her perfect husband in the cutthroat news media industry, until an abrupt tragedy shakes the foundations of her marriage. What happens when she feels pulled between the two men she loves most, her husband and her father?

Audrey leaves her religious, restrictive parents behind and aims for Chicago’s downtown skyline, dating recklessly and staring down each grueling workday one Chicago Dog at a time. Will an island respite lure her away from her corporate future? When she finds herself in the arms of an unexpected lover, will she have the courage to stand up for her own evolving sense of self?

Follow the journeys of these remarkable women, and cheer them on as they navigate life, love, and chocolate soufflé.

Melitzanosalata
Melitzanosalata (Greek Eggplant Dip, pictured)

Pierce two medium size eggplant several times with a fork and grill until blackened and soft. Allow to cool for a few minutes, then scrape off blackened skins. Puree eggplant in a blender along with 2 cloves of fresh garlic, 1 tablespoon of fresh parsley (mint works well, too), 1/4 cup of fresh lemon juice, and 2 tablespoons of good quality olive oil. Season to taste with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper. Serve with crisp vegetable slices or fresh pita bread. Makes about 2 cups.

 

Please tell me about yourself
I love to cook, and am fascinated by the connections between food and culture. I also love to travel, which lends itself quite nicely to exploring both new foods and new cultures! It’s only natural, I suppose, that my book characters often connect certain foods with pivotal life experiences. I feel very fortunate that my hobbies feed one another (pun intended).

Please share something about you that no one knows
I often write dialogue in my head while making jams and jellies. That probably sounds ridiculous, but making jams and jellies requires constant stirring over a bubbling pot for long periods of time. All of that repetitive stirring is very relaxing, and allows my mind to wander through conversations and conflicts my emerging characters are experiencing.

What are you reading now?
Hmm. I’m always reluctant to answer that… it’s like having your photo taken during a random, everyday moment, and then having people hold that image of you – whether or not you are smiling or your clothes match – forever! I read a LOT, and exactly what I read varies widely from one week to the next. Right now I’m reading Tatiana and Alexander by Paullina Simons, Finding His Way Home by Mia Ross, and Lost and Found in Prague by Kelly Jones. Next week, who knows?

Some favourite books and authors?
The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Other favorites include Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol, Pandora’s Lunchbox by Melanie Warner, The All You Can Dream Buffet by Barbara O’Neal, and Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypas. As you can see from the eclectic mix of fiction and nonfiction, there’s really not much predictability behind my favorite books and authors!

What is your work space and writing routine like? Please share a picture if willing
I spend some of my most productive writing time in coffeeshops at odd hours. The ability to people watch and, yes, eavesdrop on conversations often inspires the dialogue in my novels. I don’t mean that I steal conversations – nothing like that. Instead, I’m curious about speech patterns and the ways in which language evolves. New (to me) figures of speech, turns of phrases, slang words, positive and negative exclamations – those are the sorts of details that catch my attention. I also take note – literally – of body language. If the woman waiting for coffee next to me yells into her cell phone “Oh no, tell me he did NOT say that to you!”, I notice her nonverbals. Did she lift her head high on her neck while talking, or stick her head forward? Did she pace, or stand in place with a hand on her hip?

Sometimes I write at my messy desk in my home office.
Carly Ellen Kramer's desk

It’s just a plain old messy desk, really.

Food is a big part of your life, what is the best meal you’ve ever had?
The best meal that comes to mind at the moment was a three hour lunch at a tiny little bistro in Lichtenberg, France. My dining companions and I didn’t speak French, and the staff didn’t speak English, but a great deal of mutual smiling and miming led to an extraordinary experience. We sampled a little bit of everything, or so it seemed – pates and salads, fish and chicken, breads and cheeses, and the most exquisite desserts! Each plate looked so enticing that I took photos and had them printed into a series of notecards.

You work recipes into your books, do you come up with the recipe or story first?
The story always comes first. That’s the way it works in real life. Nobody ever says, “I want to make ten pounds of potato salad, but where shall I bring it?” A person is far more likely to say, “The neighbors are hosting a cookout to celebrate their son’s engagement – how exciting! Now, what shall I bring?”

Please tell us about How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé
How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé is about life experiences of three women who were roommates in college and followed very different paths after graduation. As time passes career and family dynamics evolve, and the women experience comedy, romance, drama, and steadfast friendship. There are so many “coming of age” books which tell the story of characters during their college years, and then the story ends. Many of those are great books, but I didn’t want to write a story like that. I wanted to write about what happens next, because a few years spent in school shouldn’t be the end of anything – those years should be the beginning of even bigger and better adventures to come!

What do readers have to look forward to next?
In Book 2 of the Cherry Harbor series, the three women featured in How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé take a small step into the background. The lead character is a young widow who is trying to rebuild her life while hiding terrible secrets. Three wise women (I told you, just a small step into the background) help her to find her way. A handyman who happens to look darn good in a pair of blue jeans and harbors a few secrets of his own may have a little something to do with the story line, too… 😉 Book 2 is a little edgier, I think. I’m looking forward to reviewing a proof copy soon!
A server appeared – it was Hektor, Annie realized in a flash of undeserved embarrassment – with a plate of tiny, artfully arranged Orektikó. Among the appetizer bites were petite dishes of eggplant melitzanosalata and tangy tzatziki with thin bell pepper slices for dipping, a pair of slender lamb filled dolmades, and two small triangles of tiropita bursting with feta and ricotta cheeses. The anniversary couple took their time and savored each bite, knowing that traditional Greek meals were luxuriously long affairs.

How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé can be found online at Amazon in print or ebook format, Crowded Earth Kitchen for signed copies and on Goodreads.

A server appeared – it was Hektor, Annie realized in a flash of undeserved embarrassment – with a plate of tiny, artfully arranged Orektikó. Among the appetizer bites were petite dishes of eggplant melitzanosalata and tangy tzatziki with thin bell pepper slices for dipping, a pair of slender lamb filled dolmades, and two small triangles of tiropita bursting with feta and ricotta cheeses. The anniversary couple took their time and savored each bite, knowing that traditional Greek meals were luxuriously long affairs.

“I fired Max yesterday,” Annie declared.

Bryant looked surprised. “Really? Why didn’t you –”

He cut himself short, remembering his unanticipated late night at work, and the three-against-one bedtime chaos he walked in on when he finally returned home. Bryant quickly changed the direction of his question.

“What finally did it?”

~How to Bake a Chocolate Soufflé, page 90

Author Crymsyn Hart Death’s Dance #booktour

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Welcome to my stop on the Crymsyn Hart tour for her new book and first book with Seventh Star Press Death’s Dance. I’ve got an interview with the author to share.

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Being a psychic, you would think talking to the dead was a walk in the park. However, it’s not always that simple. The hooded specter haunting me is one I’ve been dreaming about since I was a kid. One day, he appeared in my bedroom mirror. Good. Evil. I don’t know what his true intentions are. Enter Jackson, ghost hunting show host extraordinaire, and my ex, to save me from the big bad ghost. From there…well…it’s been a world wind of complications. My house burnt down. I’m being stalked by an ancient evil and gotten myself back into the world of being a ghost hunting psychic. Jackson dragged me, along with a few other psychics, to a ghost town wiped off the map called Death’s Dance. From there things went from bad to worse. Death’s Dance is the first book in the Deathly Encounter Series

 

Please tell me about yourself

Hello Jess, thank you for having me. What is there to tell about me? LOL. Well I have been writing professionally for eight years now. I have published over eighty different works. I have been married for ten years, have three crazy dogs, and a day job in insurance that keeps me busy. I read tons of stuff, have a love for all things vampire and horror. And well… I love to write.

What is something about you that no one knows?

Wow you want the deep, dark, and deadly secrets. I’m not sure I can say anything unless you want to deal with my muses. Hmm…one thing that I can share that no one really knows is that I am closeted puzzler. I love doing puzzle.

What are you reading now?

Currently I am reading, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. Thankfully I finished The History of Embalming. Now that was a very dry read, interesting, but put me to sleep after a few pages.

Some favourite books and authors?

Some of my favourite books are The Making of Monster by Gail Petersen. The Vampire Huntress Series by L.A. Banks. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

Favourite authors that I read no matter what, Christopher Moore Nancy Kilpatrick L.J. Smith Clive Barker

What is your workspace and writing routine like?

My writing workspace is usually sitting on my couch with the dogs piled on top of me. LOL I have an office where I do my day job work, but I like to keep the day job and my writing separate. I even have two separate computers for it too. Although once a week, I gather with my friends and fellow authors at the local Starbucks and we write or procrastinate. However, my house and my office is filled with pictures of ravens, fairies, dark gargoyles, all things that are conducive to my writing style. Good thing my husband and I have many of the same likes.

Is there a genre that you haven’t written but would like to try?

I thought about writing a mystery or a crime thriller. That would be something different and interesting that I might get into. All depends on if the mood strikes me.

You worked as a psychic for many years, could you share about some of the experiences you had doing that?

I worked as a psychic for four and a half years to get me through college and did a few other gigs for my boss at the time even after I moved on. We were still friends and I was local. Well I never met any celebrities, but I was featured in the Boston Globe for being the best local psychic at the time. That was pretty neat. At times I would open the store I worked at and would walk in to the place smelling of roses when there was nothing in the store or around that should make it smell that way. Candles would spontaneously ignite at times. Things would touch me in the shop when no one was there. I’ve seen a few apparitions in my time too.

Death’s Dance features a character that is a psychic as well, how much of your own experience did you use with Kerstin?

Yes, they say write what you know so it was easy for me to make Kerstin a psychic. Well I don’t see grim reapers, but I am a medium as she is and am empath. There are several scenes in the book like when she wakes up and there are spirits all around her waiting to be heard and to mess with her. I used to get that a lot, but not much these days. I’ve never been involved in a television show. So there are some connections, but not too many. It’s the first in the Deathly Encounters series, how many books are planned? So far I have four books in the Deathly Encounters series planned out. Three are written and the fourth one I just started. Although I can see another two down the line if things work out or just shorts to fill in gaps between the books.

I’ve not read your work before so for someone like myself, what do readers have to look forward to and which book would you recommend we start with?

Reading my work all depends on what you like. I write paranormal romance, horror, fantasy, and a mixture of everything in between. Death’s Dance is my first horror novel in a long time. If you like romance I have several books I did that are my favourites.

Dragonkin Hairy & Hung Awakening the Wolf Masquerade A Conspiracy of Ravens

I have a few things coming out in the future to look forward to. I have a book I just sent in called Come & Yeti, a romance between a space yeti, Bigfoot, and two shape shifting female aliens, with Purple Sword Publications. Mind you this is supposed to be a more comical take on sci-fi and shape shifters. Death’s Revival, Deathly Encounters Book 2 will be out soon with Seventh Star Press. I have another vampire romance called Turning Ash scheduled to come out with a new imprint with Seventh Star. The second book in my Gods Trilogy, Gods & Frogs, Oh My!, is coming out soon with Purple Sword. Besides that I am constantly working and editing when the day job allows it.

Thank you again for having me. It was nice chatting with you.

Tour Schedule and Activities
8/18 Jess Resides Here Interview
8/18 The Southern Belle from Hell Top Ten
8/18 Beauty in Ruins Guest Post
8/19 Darkling Delights Guest Post
8/19 Deal Sharing Aunt Top Ten
8/19 Shells interviews Guest Post
8/20 Stuart Conover’s Author Page Interview
8/20 SpecMusicMuse Interview
8/20 Azure Dwarf Post on Artwork
8/21 Come Selahway with Me Top Ten List
8/21 Armand Rosamilia, Horror Author Guest Post
8/21 SocialBookShelves.com Review
8/21 Blog of Sheila Deeth Character Post
8/21 A Haunted Head Guest Post
8/21 The Official Writing Blog of Deedee Davies Top Ten list
8/22 SBM Book Obsession Review
8/22 Bee’s Knees Reviews Guest Post
8/22 Seers, Seraphs, Immortals & More Interview
8/23 Reading Away The Days Review
8/23 Sapphyria’s Book Reviews Excerpt
8/23 Horror Tree Guest Post
8/24 Willow’s Author Love Review
8/24 The Rage Circus Vs. The Soulless Void Review
8/24 Bookishly Me Review
8/24 LucyBlueCastle Guest Post

About Crymsyn Hart: Crymsyn Hart is a national bestselling author of over seventy paranormal romance and horror novels. Her experiences as a psychic have given her a lot of material to use in her books. She currently resides in Charlotte, NC with her hubby and her three dogs. If she’s not writing, she’s curled up with the dogs watching a good horror movie or off with friends.

To find out more about Crymsyn Hart, please visit her website at www.ravynhart.com

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Death’s Dance is now available on amazon

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Hades Disciples by Michael West #horror @byMichaelWest

Michael West

 

It’s a pleasure to welcome horror author and horror fanatic Michael West. It amazes me how he can go to a convention and have a tee to wear for every photo op with every celebrity. How he does this I do not know. I admire it though and try and control my own buying of tees because well there is only so much money to go around. Pity.I’ve asked Michael to share which of these t-shirts is his top 10 favourite.

This coincides with his newest horror book release which I am awaiting eagerly. I’ve ordered it in limited edition signed hardcover. Envy me people. I’ve reviewed his previous one in the series Poseidon’s Children and enjoyed it so much. Based on the illustrations I can tell there is more spine tingling fun and freaky sex. Thanks Michael 🙂

Michael West

Terrifying creatures exist all around us, hiding in plain sight. Ancient. Deadly. They gather in secret, conspiring, dreaming of nothing less than humanity’s destruction, and their numbers are growing.

Earl Preston knows the danger all too well. After tangling with a horde of mythological sea monsters in Colonial Bay, he has been tasked with finding these beasts and exposing their plans whatever they may be. But Earl is not the only one with a mystery on their hands. At the very top of the world, Carol Miyagi has stumbled onto an artifact from Earth’s past, something magnificent held captive in a prison of ice and snow. Now, Carol and Earl must work quickly to decipher the will of the gods–a plot that defies imagination–and to stop their followers from carrying it out.

They thought the nightmare was over, but they are about to discover that the horror has only just begun.

Hades Disciples is Book Two in the Legacy of the Gods Series.

Michael West

Top Ten Horror Shirts I Own
I have hundreds and hundreds of shirts, so it was tough to narrow it down to 10, but here are some that hold special meaning, or that I wear frequently…
1. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Limited Edition. I LOVE this shirt! It is a collage of faces and scenes from the movie, and on the back, it has the quote from Edgar Allan Poe: “Sleep, those little slices of death–how I loathe them.” I wore it when I met Robert Englund. Just…awesome!
2. John Carpenter’s The Thing. One of the best Horror films ever made IMHO. Plus, I wore it when I met John Carpenter, so it holds a special place in my heart.

The Thing
3. Bride of Re-Animator. I just love the design! It has the bride ripping her heart out, the head flying around on bat wings, and the eyeball walking around on fingers.
4. Return of the Living Dead: Tar-Man Limited Edition. It was designed by William Stout, who created Tar-man. Love it!
5. Edgar Allan Poe. It has the raven, skulls, a tell-tale heart, and the man himself in the middle of it all. I like to wear it while I write. It inspires me.

Poe
6. Pumpkinhead. I LOVE Pumpkinhead! When I see a shirt of him, I have to get it, and I love them all.

Pumpinhead
7. C.H.U.D. One of my favorite 80s Horror films, and just an awesome design. It doesn’t glow in the dark, but it looks like it should.

C.H.U.D.
8. “You’re so cool, Brewster!” from Fright Night. I love the film, and the Evil Ed character, and it’s one of my favorite lines.
9. Silent Night, Deadly Night. I wear it every Christmas.
10. Thanksgiving. I couldn’t believe they made a shirt from Eli Roth’s Grindhouse trailer, but they did, and I had to have it. I wear it every Thanksgiving.

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HadesMichaelWest

 

 

MichaelWestAuthorPhotoAbout the author: Michael West is the bestselling author of Cinema of Shadows, Skull Full of Kisses, The Wide Game, Spook House, and the critically acclaimed Legacy of the Gods series. He lives and works in the Indianapolis area with his wife, their two children, their turtle, Gamera, and their dog, King Seesar.

 

West avoids manhole covers and sidewalk grates whenever possible. He just doesn’t know what’s down there, and he’s not sure he wants to find out.

Michael can be found on Web site / Twitter / Facebook / Publisher

Hades Disciples is available in print and ebook

Tour Schedule and Activities
7/7 Shells Interviews Guest Post
7/7 Come Selahway With Me Interview
7/7 Beauty in Ruins Guest Post
7/7 Fuonlyknew ~ Laura’s ramblins and reviews Review
7/8 Deal Sharing Aunt Top Tens List
7/8 Jess Resides Here Top Tens List
7/8 I Smell Sheep Guest Post
7/9 SpecMusicMuse Interview
7/10 Coffintree Hill Guest Post
7/10 Armand Rosamilia, Horror Author Guest Post
7/11 Bee’s Knees Reviews Review
7/12 A Haunted Head Top Tens List
7/12 Willow’s Author Love Interview
7/13 The Rage Circus Vs. The Soulless Void Review

Close Call by @EloiseMarch Vadgeventure #booktour & #review

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Hi there! Today I have a lovely tour for a book with a character who is having man issues. Also she has a talking vagina. Her name is Doris. The vagina not the person the vagina is attached to that’s Jemma. Still with me? Great 🙂 Doris in the hot, muggy, tropical land that is the nether regions tries to communicate with Jemma to make her realise she is sentient. Will she? Will Jemma meet a man worthy of her and Doris? Will Doris like the penis Jemma brings home to her den of love? Ahhh sweet tantalising mystery awaits and a giveaway! In addition I’ve got a great character interview which should give you all a nice taste of what the book has to offer.

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I requested a review for the tour and at less than 100 pages its a quick highly entertaining read. I will start with an issue I had though. Some references were not anatomically correct. Call me a stickler but there is a difference between your vagina and your vulva.

Now aside from this can I say Doris is cool and everyone should converse with their genitals if they can. A lovely line in the book suggests men can communicate with their penis’. Is this really so? I love the idea of my lady parts having ideas on my life, course I’d probably just get asked to dust her. Poor thing.

Really hilarious was when the vagina’s spoke to each other and to penis’s in the room. lmao yeah genital conversation. Seriously just picture at a party your genitals chatting with the others nearby.

Doris is quite witty and charming and wants only the best for Jemma. She also wants to make sure the penis she brings to Doris is worthy. Ahhh what an adventure indeed and this while a wedding with family from hell is going down and you have the makings for a funny, light enjoyable read.

I recommend this for those who enjoy short stories, are open minded enough to not be weirded out by a talking vagina as a character and who want a simply entertaining read. You will get that for sure with Close Call.

As its the first in a series I must say I look forward to the next bit of fun.

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Viva la Vadgeventures!

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Eloise Chats with Jemma and Doris, an Interview

 

Hi. I’m Eloise March and I’m here with my characters Jemma and Doris. If you’re wondering who is who, well, Jemma is the timid twenty-four year old brunette and Doris is the bald and outspoken vagina. They’ve been good enough to take the time out of their busy lives to chat with me.

 

Eloise – Thanks for joining us today, Jemma and Doris. My first question is for Jemma. How did you react when you first realised that Doris was communicating with you and had a mind of her own?

 

A – I was in shock, to be honest. Before I realised she was actually trying to communicate with me, I was worried I had some kind of muscle twitch that was never gong to go away, because in the weeks leading up to our first ‘conversation’ she had been twitching at me more and more. And you know, it’s just disconcerting when you’re minding your own business and your vagina just twitches for no reason. I’ve spilled more than one cup of coffee.

I guess I felt crazy admitting to myself that my vagina might actually be communicating with me, and when I decided to answer, well, I figured I was definitely a nut case. Imagine what people would say if they heard me talking to my vagina.

 

Q – Well, people know now that you do talk to your vagina. How have others reacted?

 

A – My friends and family don’t actually know yet, so I hope they don’t read this. I just don’t know how to tell them. I mean, do I just go up to my boyfriend and say “Hey, my vagina said you’re a nice guy.” I don’t think so. And I’m sure Erin or Sam (my best friend and my sister) would take me straight to the psych ward. I’ve been wondering how to tell them, but the time hasn’t been right.

 

At this stage Doris jumps in.

 

Doris I think it’s about time you told them about me. What have you got to hid? Certainly not me? Really, it kind of offends me that you’re ashamed of our relationship. I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and you know my advice has helped you immensely.

 

Jemma I know, Doris, it’s just, well…. You just don’t understand.

 

Doris I do understand, and I think you’re being immature. I just want you to know that it hurts my feelings that you won’t mention me in polite company.

 

Eloise Okay ladies, it seems we’ve hit a sore spot. I think Jemma has to tell people when the time’s right, and I’m sure after this interview, her family might find out anyway. You’re quite the celebrity now, Doris. And I admire how much you care about Jemma and how honest you are with her.

 

Doris Why thank you, Eloise. Of course I’m honest with her — if your own vagina can’t be honest with you, who can? Admittedly it benefits me if I have some say. Remember that idiot, Aaron’s penis. He was so rude, and diseased. I hate to think what would have happened if I hadn’t scared him off. It would have been minor irritation for Jemma, but I would have been covered in sores and itching like hell. Damned if I’m going to take the fall for her stupid decisions. I don’t know where women get the idea that they have to have a man’s attention at all costs — screw their reputation, screw their health, screw their morals. I’m not having any of it!

 

Eloise – Good on you, Doris. I have to say, since meeting you too, I’ve been listening to my vagina and she’s really clever. Mine actually gives great financial advice — who would’ve guessed! I have on more question for both of you. What do you want women, or men even, to get from reading this book?

 

Jemma Do you mind if I go first, Doris?

 

Doris No, dear, go ahead.

 

Jemma Thanks. I believe that a lot of women are like I was, and still am I guess. I just feel like I’m not thin enough, or beautiful enough, although because of Doris I’m not as bad as before. At least with my new relationship there are boundaries, and if he treats me like crap, he’s gone. I want other women to feel like they’re worth more than their cup size, their waist measurement, or their ability to twerk (which I am never doing, by the way, but I’ve seen girls do it, and it’s not pretty). I want women to love themselves enough to trust their vaginas and walk away from a situation that is hurting them. Stop worrying about what men think, and be nice to your sisters!

 

Doris Well said, dear. I agree with Jemma and would like to add that men do think with their penis, and their penis usually tells them to sleep with as many women as possible (if he’s heterosexual, obviously). If you hardly know the guy, don’t buy his crap about how he thinks you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and he loves you. Loves you? After a couple of dates, he hardly knows you. And don’t let them call the shots. Demand what you want and see if he can deliver. It will be worth it in the end.

 

I also want men to pay attention. Respect your woman and for all you misogynistic assholes out there, women have the same brain, feelings, needs and wants that you do, so treat them as you want to be treated. Don’t treat women like objects — they are not bottles of beer, cars or blow-up dolls — they are people. Amazing, life-giving, loving people who brought you into this world and have so much to offer, if you would just open your minds and put your aggressive crap away. And ladies, don’t sabotage your sisters — speak up when your friend is about to go home with an idiot, be kind to her and don’t let her sell herself short. You know there’s power in numbers. And lastly, learn to listen to your vagina, because I guarantee she has your best interests at heart. Thanks so much for the interview, Eloise. It was fun!

 

Eloise – Thanks ladies, it was awesome talking to you. You are such a wise, wise vagina. I can’t wait to get together with both of you and write the next Vadgeventure book. See you soon. Bye!

Close Call: A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure

Close-Call-3D-450Close Call is the first instalment of “A Doris & Jemma Vageventure” series.

Think Bridget Jones Diary and The Vagina Monologues.

Twenty-two-year-old Jemma can’t seem to get her life in order. Her track record with men stinks, she constantly worries about getting fat and ending up a spinster at thirty. And to top it off, she has to be a bridesmaid at her most-hated cousin’s wedding. She feels like her life is over, until Doris decides to help out. Who’s Doris? Doris is Jemma’s vagina and she thinks more of Jemma than her own brain does. Doris is on a mission to save Jemma from herself, but is the task too much for one vagina to handle?

TAGS: Fiction, Chick Lit, Humor, Women’s Lit, Romance

© 2013 Dionne Lister Cover by Sol Pandiella-McLeod

Now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, iTunes, and Sony.

Meet Eloise March aka Dionne Lister

Dionne Lister - 2

Eloise March is a woman who laughs at her own jokes, swears way too much and breaks any new diet by lunchtime on the day she starts. She believes in women’s equality, and all equality for that matter, and hopes the things she writes touch people in a positive way, and make them think about how they can create a better society for themselves and others.

In her spare time, she enjoys living as her alter ego, Dionne Lister — a suspense and YA fantasy author who is way too embarrassed to talk about vaginas. She likes spending time as Dionne because Dionne has an awesome family, wonderful friends and a cat called Lily, oh, and she has great hair.

If you’re looking for Eloise, or any information about future books in the Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure series, you can visit Dionne’s website, where Eloise has been lucky enough to get her own page http://www.dionnelisterwriter.com. If you’re looking for a chat, you can find Ms. March on Twitter.

Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Website

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Follow the Tour

Monday – 3/3/2014:

Tuesday – 3/4/2014

Wednesday – 3/5/2014

Thursday – 3/6/2014

Friday – 3/7/2014

Saturday – 3/8/2014

Monday – 3/10/2014

Tuesday – 3/11/2014

Wednesday – 3/12/2014

Thursday – 3/13/2014

Final Day of the Tour – Saturday March 14th

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